forgiveness

The defining book on forgiveness was written

by Everett Worthington and suggests the

REACH process:

Recall

Remember the incident as clearly and

objectively as you can. Don’t think about

motives or evil or right vs. wrong, just describe

what happened as neutrally and factually as

possible. Visualize the event.

Empathize

Try to imagine what the other person’s

perspective might have been. Imagine if the

transgressor was asked to explain him/herself,

what he or she might say. Consider that people

are most likely to hurt others when they feel

attacked or threatened, or when they’re afraid,

worried, or hurt themselves. They often don’t

mean to hurt others and don’t think about

what they’re doing; they just lash out in

attempt to protect themselves. That doesn’t

make it right, but it may make it make sense.

Altruistically give forgiveness

Remember a time when you hurt someone but

were forgiven. That was a gift. If you can give

this gift to your transgressor, it will mean that

you are rising above the hurt and anger and

being a truly generous person. That is not

easy. If you can truly do it from a generous

heart, it will set you free.

Commit yourself to this forgiveness

Write a letter to the transgressor, tell your

friends, or just write yourself a note—

something to make the forgiveness official.

Commit yourself to this forgiveness

Write a letter to the transgressor, tell your

friends, or just write yourself a note—

something to make the forgiveness official.

Hold onto forgiveness

You will remember the incident again, and you

may feel angry or hurt again when you think of it . Remind yourself that you’ve forgiven it and

move on to thinking about other things.25

This approach may not work all at once, but

I’ve found it very helpful with things that were

hard for me to let go. It may take time and

repetition, but you can expunge the bad feeling

from your life and set yourself free. You’ll be

happier and healthier as a result. Remember

Viktor Frankl and choose embrace life rather

than holding onto grievances