Blame

Blame

Blame is just a twist on victimization. If you

tell yourself you can’t be happy because of

your wife or your mom or your kids or your

boss, or anyone else, you’re giving away your

power. Other people may have done things to

you, and may still be doing them, to add strife,

stress, or negativity to your life. That’s

unfortunate, but it doesn’t let you off the hook.

You’re still choosing to stay in your situation

and let it go on as it is.

If you’re an able-bodied adult living in a

developed country and not in prison, nobody

can really make you do anything. Your

possibilities are almost limitless. You can get

out of almost any situation if you really want

to, or you can transform it. It all comes down

to you.

If someone is controlling your life, that’s only

possible because you’re allowing them. People

will treat you as badly as you let them. If you

don’t like how someone behaves toward you,

you need to renegotiate the relationship or get

away from them.

It’s comfortable to blame others for your

unhappiness, because that way you can feel

sorry for yourself safely. Sometimes it feels

good to feel sorry for yourself, and you may

come to enjoy other people feeling sorry for

you, too. Meanwhile, you never have to do

anything, because it’s all someone else’s fault.

Entitlement

Entitlement is the idea that someone owes you

something. My parents should support me, the

government should give me money, my

employer should give me a good raise every

year, my spouse should make me happy.

Notice all the “should”s?

The fact is, the world doesn’t owe you a living,

and you’ll feel better about yourself if you

make your own instead. There’s much more

satisfaction in that.

Rescue

Similar to entitlement, rescue waits for

someone else to save you from your current

situation. Rescue yourself instead—you have

much more control over making it happen, and

you won’t be obligated to anyone.