Gandhi

Gandhi had it half right when he

said, “Be the change you want

to see in the world.” The second

half is “connect with others.”

Gandhi had it half right when he

said, “Be the change you want

to see in the world.” The second

half is “connect with others.”

If you

go off and live on a mountaintop

and never talk to anyone - even if

you’re being the change you want

to see in the world - you’re not

changing the world. But if you

come down from time to time and

connect with people so they know

you’re living your perfect life on a

mountaintop, and if you tell them

that they can follow their own

dreams and live their own perfect

lives, too? That’s revolutionary.

When you live the change you

want to see, when you follow your

dreams, you don’t need to pass

pamphlets around or shout on

soapboxes or march around with

signs. Those are control paradigm

tactics - yelling at people to try to

force them to change.

yourself, you’re arguing with yourself, but bear

with me. If you’re already talking to yourself,

there are at least two of you in your head.

Introducing an extra won’t hurt, and may bring

you to a pleasant majority!

For example, I used to beat myself up a lot.

The first time I tried this, I had just had an

ugly conversation with a person who has a long

history of being very compelling to me but not

very nice. He said some well-targeted things to

push my buttons. I ended the conversation

promptly and signed off, but I was still upset,

and I caught myself thinking “What an asshole

he is! I can’t believe I’ve wasted all this time

loving him! I’m so stupid! How humiliating!”

Normally, I would just go on and on this way,

but for the first time, I stopped and listened to

what I had said.

“Wait a minute,” I thought, “that doesn’t even

make sense. How does his being a jerk make

me stupid? At worst, I was naïve and

unrealistically hopeful—is that really so

horrible? I acted with love and the best of

intentions, and I did nothing wrong. The fact

is, I’m going through a pretty hard time and

doing the best I can, and I don’t need or

deserve this kind of harsh judgment.”

Hearing these things, even though it was just

myself saying them in my head, really helped.

It was like a cloud lifted. What the other

person said still hurt, but I no longer felt

devastated, humiliated, or miserable; more like“gee, that’s too bad.”